sad

Its so hard not to think of him..
Its so bad that the day things happened was the first day of the countdown of not being able to see him..
I totally changed..
I dont smile that much..
I am not happy
I feel so alone when i face hard facts..
When i wanna look for him i am scared that he is busy in camp..
I really miss him…
But i should be grateful that it is only 3 weeks..
I cannot imagine myself going through it if my boy was a NS man for 2 years..
Its half way through the second week..
So.. ya.. soon..

We spoke on the phone today..
he could so tell i sounded not right in the very first place..
i told him nothing..
but he knew there was something..
i told him it was all abt the schooling and the money thing.. nothing new..
I really appreciate the things that he did..
he wanted me to sms him when i am vex..
i cried becos he was so concerned..
that kept him from hanging up the phone..
cos at first he said he wanted to slp already..
but upon hearing me cry he kept himself awake to just talk to me..
i really really appreciate it..
and.. i really miss you..

every now and then i had been thinking if i could just die and escape the fact of me being the only child and doing whatever things that i dont wanna do..
but i thought of Terry.. thought of my friends.. I feel so selfish.. but i dunno how much more i can take..
i am going crazy soon…

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